10 March 2011

Today is our day.....
I should be very happy....
But I didn't...

This is the first month of our separation....
It's nearly a month after that night....
I could not remember the date, just remember that it's on Sunday....

I feel that that night I was doing the right thing...
To make him pissed off....
Angry...
So that he could actually expresssed his anger....
Yes... on me....

After that incident. I lose him....
Yes... I really lose him...
Maybe he didn't know it by now about what is the purpose that make me choose this way...

I never regret that i did that...
Just regret that I lose him in my life...
I never love a guy in such way...
Never.... Not even my first love...

I love him too much until i have to put all the pains on myself...
Maybe he's hiding his pain....
I don't know...

I'm not dare to assume it...
because i scare i will hurt myself once again....
In his eyes, i live better than before...
Live better than when the time we were together...
But he never know that...
My heart didn't feel joy like last time....
My heart didn't feel warm like last time...
My heart did't feel like blissfull like last time....

He told me that I will find better guy in future...
But he told me before he will be the best guy in my life....
Don't push me another guy..
Please don't do that to me....
I have my rights to choose the guy that I want to live with...
To choose the guy I want to spend my life with....

Lossing him make me feel that i lose myself too...
I don't find myself anymore....
I am not who I am anymore......